On A Boat
Whenever I tell family or friends that I’m about to go away to work a contract on a ship, they seem to assume I’m going to have a great time. This is understandable as most people who hear about ship life are used to stories of drinking and partying. Playing music as a job is itself considered an easy ride by most. That isn’t the case at all but I’ll save that for other posts. This one might be whiny enough already without getting into that. Also it seems a lot of people imagine that working as a musician on a ship is like some sort of paid holiday, where you can travel the world for free as well as getting hammered for cheap in a crew bar every night. Whilst I’m sure this is true for a lot of musicians, my experience has been quite different as for a number of reasons I’ve never worked on a proper cruise ship as such. Firstly, I’ve never fancied sharing a small cabin with a stranger for six months. I don’t even like the idea of sharing with a friend in a band for that matter. Neither has anyone else in the bands I’ve worked with. I like my own space and for me personally, sharing for up to six months seems like a fairly high price to pay to sit on a different beach every day or swim with dolphins for a negligible discount. But maybe that’s because I’m now old and boring. Although being away from home for three to six months has always been quite appealing to me since I have no life, I’ve not yet worked with anyone who feels the same. My sight reading skills are not up to scratch either, so I can’t yet travel alone as a show musician. Also through my own basic internet research and listening in on other people’s conversations, I’m lead to believe that I’m getting paid more money for working shorter contracts in Europe.
So in theory my experience might sound more appealing. I’m only working six or seven week contracts at a time, for (maybe) more money, have my own pokey cabin and still get to do a bit of travelling. This is probably what leads to me being asked when I’m next going on holiday. Or what I’m going to do for work when I’ve finished playing around with music. Both questions are pretty irritating, as this particular ship job is quite hard work and not the fun adventure people often think it’s going to be. The reason musicians quit this kind of job seems to be through a misunderstanding of what it involves and so here’s a very quick, basic overview of what it’s like from my perspective. I should make it clear that despite what follows I do still like working these contracts. They’re definitely more fun and less stressful than working in a call centre or doing admin work, sat in front of a computer all day. The following is also really for people who have never done this type of job before and want an idea of what to expect if they find themselves offered work like this. If you’re a seasoned cruise ship musician, there’s no need to read on. You’ll either know all this already or think I’m whinging. Which I probably am.
The ships I’m working on at the moment sail around the Baltic Sea, connecting the major Scandinavian cities. They’re called cruise ships but in reality they are big ferries, carrying vehicles as well as passengers. Compared to British companies crossing the North Sea, the amount of money spent on entertainment here is huge. As well as the main show and house band there are acrobats, a jazz band, pianist, troubadour, caricaturist and the odd magician is sometimes wandering around, all for a 15 hour crossing. It’s nice that this part of the world still appreciates live music enough to pay properly for it. It makes being offered £200/$350 in the UK to drive halfway across the country for a wedding seem somewhat insulting. We are however made to work a lot for this money. And I mean a lot. When it comes to finding deps for this gig it’s hard as so many are put off with the hours. Especially singers, which is somewhat understandable. Although it is definitely possible to complete a contract without coughing up blood, singers will probably fully lose their voice at least twice. Mainly due to the hours and the dry air but also the sound technician’s insistence on using compressors. On some of the ships we are working five or six sets per night, every night, over a six or seven week contract. We change ships every two weeks so that at least sometimes offers a change in the daily schedule. The bonus of playing so much in one evening is that the next time I do a standard two set gig, it feels so easy.
If the work hours don’t cause lost voices, illness definitely will. Being a non-singing bass player means it’s not as bad for me as the others in the band, but being on stage with the flu or any other ailment is never fun. Only last contract I nearly fainted on stage, only to hear that a passenger had later complained about me, saying I was too drunk to stand up. Since I went completely white and was sweating everywhere before having to sit on the floor, it’s beyond me how they thought I was drunk. The Finns are a hard crowd to please sometimes.
If you think you can avoid illness somehow by keeping away from sick people or sitting on your own everywhere, it doesn’t work. Just like any other place where lots of people are crammed into a small area, everything spreads about pretty quickly. There are ways to make playing on stage with the flu bearable but that’s for another post.
The only way you could avoid getting ill is to lock yourself in your cabin as much as possible and that’s something you probably won’t want to do. It’s not that the cabins are horrible but they are basic and small. On a couple of the ships I work on they feel slightly medically. Like a room in a hospital where you might go for an injection. Plus the dry air I mentioned earlier is at its worst here. Out of curiosity I brought a humidity meter last contract and it read 10% in the cabins. Great for drying soaked washing in under an hour but not much else. I did used to bring a humidifier but after learning it only raised my cabin’s humidity by 3%, I gave up.
For me the air quality isn’t that big of an issue as I don’t (can’t) sing. The sore throat, dry bloody nose and irritated eyes are annoying for sure but the main reason not to spend too long in the cabin is that it’s fairly depressing in there. I hear a lot of the contract workers on-board complaining of “cabin fever”. But that’s because if they’re not working, getting drunk or getting off the ship during the day on a planned excursion with friends, they’re sat in their cabin binge watching Netflix. I find that spending as much time out of the cabin as possible helps a lot. I spend most time during the days alone but will still get off the ship for a walk as much as possible. Or at least sit somewhere different to use the internet. The views outside on these particular cruises are stunning so a walk out on deck is a something I do most days after departure to get some fresh air.
Obviously for people considering taking a contract like this it’s nice to have some idea of what to expect food wise, especially if you have a certain diet or like me you’re just picky. In my opinion the food can best be described as varied. Everybody who’s worked on ships has different stories of how amazing or amazingly bad the food has been. From my personal experience it’s really mixed depending on individual boats and chefs. It’s often really noticeable if there has been a change of chef as the quality of what you have to eat changes drastically after a certain period. The food that is mostly served is either Finnish or Swedish with the odd international meal thrown in, which is usually a questionable Thai red curry, or a lasagne without the tomato based sauce. All food, be it Scandinavian or otherwise, is heavily seasoned with salt. Lots of salt. I expect one day I’ll die from a heart attack in the mess. I should write a separate post dedicated to food on-board as I have many questions of my own about some of the stuff I’m eating that maybe others can help answer. I don’t fancy offending the locals in person. In short though, it’s ok. You won’t starve and there is usually a salad bar that can be raided if the main offering of the day is not to your liking. Or if you are vegetarian, as the main meals sometimes don’t cater to your kind at all. And if you are vegan, you’re screwed, but you probably deserve that anyway.
The main problem with the food is the times that it’s served at. It really doesn’t fit in at all with a musician’s schedule. The main dinner time meals are taken away at 6:30pm and then depending what flag the ship sails under, that can be it. Finnish ships always have night food, which is usually leftovers from the passenger buffet. Sounds bad, but it can actually be really good and it’s left out all night. Swedish ships tend to leave very little out. Some instant noodles and usually a “salad” with the day’s leftovers all thrown in.
The above may seem quite negative but in reality it’s not that bad at all. I remember seven years ago when I did my first contract that I was initially really down about the accommodation and food but after a couple of days it all felt normal and you get into a routine with everything pretty quickly. But a couple of things that still really annoy me today are the strict rules of some of the ships and the attitude of the regular crew towards entertainment staff. After working on these boats for so long with the same band we have made a number of good friends from both the entertainment/contract side and from the regular staff side. There is however a definite feeling of contempt from a lot of workers towards the entertainment. You get the feeling that some of them are waiting for you to make a mistake and break a rule so that they can put in a complaint about you. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been reported as being drunk in the mess, just because I got up early for breakfast. No one seems to expect musicians to be up at 7am so they instantly assume you’ve been partying and not slept yet. And depending which ship you are working on depends on how serious the consequences of being reported are. On-board Estonian ships they seem to enjoy getting the breathalyser out. Even though it’s always best to respect the rules, no matter how senseless they can be, it can get pretty stressful living under both them and the watchful eyes of the more jealous, bitter crew members waiting for you to slip up.
As I wrote earlier and despite the few negative points above, I do actually really enjoy this job. Yes we have to work long hours, be ill regularly, live in a tiny cabin, eat mountains of salt and get a few hateful stares from crew, but at the end of your shift you can forget about work completely. Obviously we have to do a good job, but there are no targets to meet. From my experience there haven’t been any managers that are constantly on your back, analysing stats about your performance, looking to pass blame for perhaps their own shortcomings. For the most part this job really is stress free. And then there are the new people you meet. You see a lot of the same faces also but every two to three weeks when we change ships there are always new people in the shows, jazz bands etc. which keeps things interesting. The amount of small talk about work that occurs as a result is often tiring though. Having to explain how you started working on the ships or with your band ten times a contract gets old fast. So I try to leave that to the others whilst I sit quietly and get drunk. If the rules allow of course.
The audiences here are another positive for me too as they are really varied. The ticket prices for cabins on some of these ships range from extremely reasonable to almost extortionate so you get a real mix of ages and personalities to play to. Although this means the bands need a broad repertoire to cover the four to five hours of music, chances are as long as there are enough people on-board, you’ll get a responsive crowd which is always enjoyable. Weekdays during the summer are mainly families though so that can get dull in the evenings as most passengers are in bed early, and the earlier sets make you feel more like a children’s entertainer than a musician.
The biggest plus though is of course the travelling. Compared to others in this line of work I’ve definitely not been to as many places, or maybe as exciting, far-out locations. But because of these contracts I’ve been to countries and areas I would never have considered visiting. Finland for example. I always wrongly thought of it as a cold, ex-soviet wasteland but it’s now one of my favourite places that we get to travel to. Tallinn in Estonia was also a pleasant surprise, as were the prices there. Sailing between these cities in the archipelagos of Sweden and Finland never gets old for me either and always provides a reason for going out on deck in the hours before work. Whether it’s the views of the islands during sunset in spring and summer, or breaking through the ice of the frozen Baltic, it’s much more pleasant than sitting at a desk, staring at a computer.
There is one obvious positive to this job, or any contract work for that matter that seems to be overlooked. As a musician or artist of any kind it can be hard to find stable work with a steady income. Whilst future contracts are never totally guaranteed, it is nice to be able to plan ahead somewhat, knowing that you have at least a decent amount of money coming in, especially for musicians starting to work professionally for the first time. Being able to earn a predictable salary in this line of work can be difficult, so I would advise not to look at the day rate and be put off thinking you can earn more for a one off corporate event. Also from the amount of time you’ll be playing you’ll improve as a musician/band dramatically. In my opinion if you are just starting out you should probably ignore all the above and just take the job.
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