Do What You Used To Love
Being a professional musician is mainly great. You get to do some travelling, meet new people and although there are negatives, stress levels are pretty low once you have some steady work in place. If you make a mistake on stage, chances are nothing bad is going to come of it. It’s probably one of the least important professions in the world and anyone able to make a living from it should be really pleased with themselves. There are however downsides to playing professionally and although I’m not wanting to start this blog by steering it into a massive hole of depressive shite, I’ll try to write about the few that I’ve experienced, as it might be useful to anyone who is in a position to give it a try.
I’m currently writing this in a piano bar on a ship I normally work on. This time though I’m a passenger and so get to sit down with an Irish coffee, which drinking on board would usually result in getting fired. I’m watching the piano bar pianist playing requests that he more than likely doesn’t enjoy playing at all to an audience of seven people. Girl from Ipanema is over though so that’s probably a plus for him. Those requesting the songs have no idea that he more than likely isn’t having a great time as his professionalism isn’t letting it show. Not yet at least. There’s still another three 45 minute sets of this shit to play through before the night is over. And he no doubt has at least another month of nights like these to get through before dry land and home. Watching this does however make me realise I need to be more like this guy. When someone makes a request, or the MD calls a song I often can’t help proclaiming “fuck my life” audibly into the crowd. The pianist has just finished Fly Me to the Moon and is now trying to breathe life into Superstition. Surely he’s going to crack soon. He’s playing Nikita for the second time in 30 minutes. I feel his pain but also a sense of satisfaction in knowing I have a couple of months before I start my next long contract.
One of the things I get told by people with more conventional jobs is that I’m lucky to be doing something I love. This really irritates me more than I know it should but what gives people that idea? Do they think this boat pianist grew up dreaming of playing Rod Stewart covers in a sparsely filled bar? I guess it’s because most people enjoy some sort of music and therefore if you are earning a living from it, you should consider yourself lucky. However in my opinion, professional musicians fall into one of three groups. Group one are those that absolutely love music of all styles and genres and all types of gigs. They’re just happy to be playing something to anyone. These people seem rare and I personally find their enthusiasm slightly overwhelming, no doubt from a degree of jealousy. Group two are those like the singer of the band I mainly work with. They love music and would describe it as their life. They write and record their own stuff whilst taking on arranging and MD work on the side. When it comes to playing the cover songs that pay the bills though, there really isn’t the same sense of enjoyment. Then there are those in group three which is where I reside. Those that don’t enjoy music much anymore at all. I was actually pleasantly surprised to know that there are quite a few working musicians like myself. It made me feel less weird. The reason I don’t enjoy music so much anymore is for another post but for most people it seems to be the typical result of a hobby and leisure activity becoming a job. I know someone who used to love dress making until they started earning money from it.
Whilst I still do enjoy a lot of what playing live has to offer, such as being drunk on stage with friends, I’ve often tried to work out for myself what it is that continues to make me not enjoy music. It seems to simply come down to not playing many enjoyable songs. Before I became a musician I had a few other jobs. One was basic admin, another in a call centre and another doing data input. Yes they were all terrible and yes I am much happier being a musician. However playing music that I dislike makes me feel unhappy in a very special way. And playing professionally will typically leave you performing an awful lot of songs you really don’t enjoy. I think of it as similar to being stuck in a room listening to someone you don’t really like. Someone who loves the sound of their own voice and won’t stop even if they are given the most unsubtle of hints. Because songs seem to have personalities, it really does seem possible to dislike them in a not too dissimilar way to how you would not enjoy the company of certain people. Also the opposite can happen and leave you with the complete opposite feeling, whether you’re playing or just listening. It just so happens that when you perform for money, you’re more than likely going to be in a room populated by arseholes. For example, in my opinion, every Pitbull song ever recorded is an arsehole of a song. Obviously this is subjective and nearly every audience we play to seems to enjoy some aspect of his music. None of us in the band do, but it’s popular and works so it’s played. I feel most sorry for our singer but also our drummer, as he made the mistake of suggesting he could do the raps in Fireball. When these songs get called, there’s an actual physical feeling of misery for me. My stomach drops in a similar, albeit much lighter way to if I had just received some terrible news about someone’s health. You know exactly what the next three to four minutes of life are going to be like and it’s not good. On top of that you then have to be subjected to the lyrics. Abysmal, simplistic crap. Knowing that Pitbull apparently gets paid $250000 to do his thing on anyone’s record lets the anger grow a little. During a party set, chances are the next song, the one after that and the one after that, whoever by, are not going to be dissimilar in the way they make me feel. I’m thinking of Ed Sheeran, Calvin Harris and Katy Perry. Not all the up-tempo songs are awful though and if the crowd is good I do often enjoy some parts of it. Alcohol helps but is not recommended.
When I was working in my previous jobs I was pretty unhappy. I didn’t like them, I didn’t like the companies I worked for and I didn’t enjoy the living for the weekend way of existing. Some mornings when I got up I’d feel that deep misery physically manifest itself. I’d get similar feelings throughout the day and find myself clock watching and time slowing down. It was shite and that life is for a lot of people. Although those jobs were much more stressful than being a musician in many other ways, working in an office environment in front of a computer never made me feel as angry or down in the same way as playing music I hate does. I suppose it never could, as a computer screen full of numbers or emails full of business buzz words can’t offend the senses in the same way an obnoxious song with puerile hook and senseless lyrics can. Especially when you play the same ones at least once a day for two months. Despecito was a twice a day song for a whole summer and didn’t die for a year. That wasn’t fun.
Like I wrote at the beginning, being a professional is mostly great and I’m certainly not trying to put people off the idea of pursuing performing as a job. I do think it’s important to know exactly what it is that you like about music and where you’re ultimately aiming to get to before you start playing full time on ships, in hotels or as part of a wedding/corporate covers band. If you love music, enjoy writing and performing your own songs and want to make it as an original artist it is perhaps worth talking to any musicians you know in the industry and finding out how they feel after several years of working. I used to practice for hours a day, look forward to gigs and when I wasn’t practicing I was listening to music for fun or watching masterclasses on DVD. I find it sad that I don’t feel the same anymore. Being part of an original act used to be enjoyable because I could be creative, or at least try to be. The only way I’d be part of something original now is if I was getting paid. Whilst in a way that’s sort of how it should be, I find it a little depressing that I no longer have the desire to play music just for the enjoyment of it. I still like the job of being a professional musician, but for now any chance of getting back into the joys of music itself are being pounded by pop music’s finest.
Although all of the above is my personal view on how I now feel with music, I’ve heard enough musicians say they feel something similar and so it’s something worth thinking about. Another reason for me feeling the way I do could be that I play a lot. Sometimes five or six sets per night, every night for a six week contract. That could easily leave the most ardent music lover burnt out. Having said all this my advice to any newbie would be to take as much work as you can. Being a full time musician is one of the best jobs anyone could have. But if you start to feel your love of music ebbing away and if that matters enough to you for whatever reason, maybe go back to keeping it creative.
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